Always There

  Today is one of those days.  "God...I can't do this".  "I can't make this work, I can't get my relationship with you right".  "I try....but I am always one step behind."  "I missed my study time this morning....my prayer time is fragmented....I give things to you just to take them back."  "I am so frustrated...I am just not feeling you, Lord."  " I know what you say....I know you are always with me...you're not dictated by my feelings....I know you're always good and that you are for me, not against me....I just can't "feel" that today."  I hate feelings.  They're so fickle....never to be relied on....but feeling close to you is such a good feeling.
  Today is one of those days.  You're response to me, so typical.  You are God and You alone are good.  No, I am not alone.  No, I never was alone.  And despite my inadequacies, despite my failures, you continue to love me.  You continue to lift me up.  I see you all around me, I just have to look.....You are everywhere.
  You care about the littlest of my concerns and the biggest concerns are also big to you.  I can't forget that. 
  Today is one of those days.  Last week I lost something of great importance to me.  I thought it was gone.  I spent time in prayer over it.  "Lord, it may seem little in your eyes, but you know its big to me".   Well, I pulled my car into work this afternoon and "my" spot was occupied....so I parked in a spot I never park in....a ways from my "usual" spot.  I spent my drive praying, "Lord, why?"  "Why can't I find this?"  "I really need this".   I get out of my car and directly behind my car was the object of importance.   Sitting quietly on the pavement behind my car was a lonely piece of paper......MY PIECE OF PAPER!   I never park in this spot....how did it get here?  God............that's all I need to say.   Thank you.  I may not be able to feel you, but you are there....and you were all along.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
 Jeremiah 29:13