Always There

  Today is one of those days.  "God...I can't do this".  "I can't make this work, I can't get my relationship with you right".  "I try....but I am always one step behind."  "I missed my study time this morning....my prayer time is fragmented....I give things to you just to take them back."  "I am so frustrated...I am just not feeling you, Lord."  " I know what you say....I know you are always with me...you're not dictated by my feelings....I know you're always good and that you are for me, not against me....I just can't "feel" that today."  I hate feelings.  They're so fickle....never to be relied on....but feeling close to you is such a good feeling.
  Today is one of those days.  You're response to me, so typical.  You are God and You alone are good.  No, I am not alone.  No, I never was alone.  And despite my inadequacies, despite my failures, you continue to love me.  You continue to lift me up.  I see you all around me, I just have to look.....You are everywhere.
  You care about the littlest of my concerns and the biggest concerns are also big to you.  I can't forget that. 
  Today is one of those days.  Last week I lost something of great importance to me.  I thought it was gone.  I spent time in prayer over it.  "Lord, it may seem little in your eyes, but you know its big to me".   Well, I pulled my car into work this afternoon and "my" spot was occupied....so I parked in a spot I never park in....a ways from my "usual" spot.  I spent my drive praying, "Lord, why?"  "Why can't I find this?"  "I really need this".   I get out of my car and directly behind my car was the object of importance.   Sitting quietly on the pavement behind my car was a lonely piece of paper......MY PIECE OF PAPER!   I never park in this spot....how did it get here?  God............that's all I need to say.   Thank you.  I may not be able to feel you, but you are there....and you were all along.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
 Jeremiah 29:13

Fulfilled

A young woman.

Met “The Fulfiller” and rested completely in

His arms.

She wanted nothing.

For He was “The Provider”.

He knew her from within for He created her.

She was known.  Completely.  Thoroughly.

She was loved:

        To a depth her heart couldn’t comprehend.

She was treasured.  Found Precious.

She was desired.  She was pursued.

In His arms, she was complete.  She lacked nothing.

She was fulfilled.

In the arms of Him…..Her Everything……

   The I Am.

 

 

 

 

 

Love and Perseverance

She watches the nest....momma bird....tending the babes....

she watches....In hope.....

 

 

She listens for the sound of chirping.....

She stands out on the porch each morning.....

waiting.....listening.....

 

But something happens. 

The mama bird quits attending her nest.

Something detains her...

to the heartbreak of the little girl.

1 day.

2 days.

No mama bird.

 

But the little girl still waits....hoping.

 

Day 3 she can stand it no longer.

 

Carefully removing the nest.

She loving holds each egg in her fingers.

She knows they weren't meant to be.

 

She can't help but try.

She can't give up.

 

So she ventures to the coop.

To her feathered backyard friends.....

Just to try.

 

If maybe....maybe....

one might be willing.

 

 

She places her blue pearls under another

willing mama.

To wait it out and see.

 

Not willing to give up.

 

We explain to her that the chicks are already gone,

but she is determined.

 

Love her.

My tender girl.

-----------------------------------------------

My mothers' heart watches and takes it in......

Thank you Lord for my daughter.

 

And I guess I am reminded and

I am glad God has yet even more determination.

He doesn't give up on me.

I am a work in progress:

I doubt.

Struggle to trust Him.

I get distracted.

I make mistakes.

I fail.

But unlike her blue pearls,

If we're walking this earth,

we're not too far gone yet.

God renews

He restores.

He forgives.

and

He

Loves.

 

 

 I am so thankful for that.

 

Isaiah 40:30-31

Though youth grow weary and tired, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

 

In His Love,

Candis

Holding On

Trust.  Letting go.  Giving my life to you completely.  Knowing you created me and have a perfect plan for me.  Knowing you're on a throne that will never parish.  Knowing YOU ARE GOD and that YOU LOVE ME.  Knowing YOU ARE GOD.......
  Changing my focus: from waves beneath me to Your face.  You are my rock.  Only in You will I find rest.  Only in You will I find peace.  You are peace. 
  God, hold me.  Hold me as only You can.  I need You.  My whole being longs for You.  I need You.  I want You.  Nothing but You will satisfy the longings of my heart. 
  Be my strength.  Be my love.  Be my longing. 

Learning to Trust

  "Life is like a railroad track".   I've heard that before.  Stay on the tracks set before you and you'll experience true freedom.  I thank God for the tracks set before me....tracks set before my birth.  I pray I allow God to continue being my engineer.  I am prone to jumping the tracks when I take over.
  I'd be lying if I said my train ride has been all roses the past while.  I am glad God's got the controls, cause this ride scares me from time to time.  Just being honest.  The last year has had a few tunnels.  Okay, more than a few.  And....God, my engineer, has kept my train on its tracks, only He's chosen to dim the brightness; illuminating only the necessary.   And...I don't know where this train's headed.  God does....but I don't.  And for being a planner, this is hard.  God has continued throughout this time to shine just enough light to keep us going forward...but not much more.
  I am sitting alone in my living room.  The house quiet.  I crave the quiet, though I thank God for every minute of chaos within these walls.   Chaos is life....and if its kids, puppies, home school books and all related activities I would feel lost without them.  But in these times of quiet, reflection is so much easier.  I need God.  He is my Provider.  My Creator.  And He loves me.  He loves my husband.  He created my kids and loves them more than I ever could.  Letting go of plans....that's what He's asking of me.... to trust Him with the plans.  Trust Him with our future.  Trust Him with our children.  Trust Him with our finances.  Trust Him to provide....everything.  He's calling us to trust Him.  Let go........
  We are moving from our home....yet again.  And....not unlike last year, we're still unaware of where we're going.    We rented a beautiful home our first year here, and its now being sold.  So....we must find a new home.  I know God has plans.  We've been looking, and its that one thing God's been reiterating over and over: trust.  Trust Him.   Letting go, and allowing Him control this.  New jobs, new roles, new homes, new towns.....nothing is new to Him.   This move won't be as big as our last.  We're staying in the area.  Its just finding somewhere to hang our hat....again.  It's packing up those boxes that are still partially packed in the garage.  It's changing the address...again.  I feel a little weary.
  But, my Lord and Savior is good.  He is Love...and He never changes.  He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and He said He loves me.  Why should I find it hard to trust that?  You're right, I shouldn't.  Surrender.  Surrender of plans to the Master Planner.  I am loved by the Master Planner.  He designed me before the world began.  He designed my amazing husband and gave us the marriage we have.  He designed the "littles" that grace our home and expertly planned their entrances and personalities.  There is no chance or coincidence to the awesomeness of His designs.  If He's willing to plan and care for the smallest of cool things, why would he neglect the "big"?  He sent His Son to die for me.....in my place.  I have NO reason to doubt His love for me.  So.....
  Trust.  That's what I give you tonight God.  God, please help me lay it in your hands.  I want to trust you.  Take my concerns, my worries and allow me to trust.  You are God....and I am but your child.  A child that you love. 
  One moment at a time....through the train tunnels of North Idaho.  And though its difficult, I wouldn't trade this.  Thank you God. 

Blessings Tonight.
Much Love,
Candis

A Summons of the Heart

  You said, "Follow Me".  You said, "Fear Not".  You said, "I will Never leave You".  You said, "I have Summoned You, and You are Mine".  You said, "Let Go".    You said, "Come".
You said................
  "My Daughter, I am waiting".  "I am waiting for you....patiently waiting".  "I am pursuing...you.... I want your heart".  "You are my creation and I Love You." 
   Knight in Shining Armor.... my heart yearns for you......You satisfy my Soul.......Father you bind my wounds.....Counselor, you have the Answers...are the Answers......My Heart was created to worship you, to be bound with yours.  I am Nothing apart from You.  You are Life Blood.
  That is who you are.....and you pursue.....you chase......you don't give up......you pursue my heart....
I never leave your thoughts.....you are the answer to every need in my soul.....my heart.
  You said, "Follow me"......help me Lord to Follow You.   You said, "Fear Not".....help me let go of my fears....entirely.  You said, "I will Never leave You"......thank you God, you have never left me.  You said, "I have Summoned You and You are Mine".....I am Yours....help me give myself to you.  You said, "Let Go".  God.....take my life, my worries, my concerns...and help me Let Go.  You said, "Come".  God.....I am but a child....help me step forward one foot at a time.....my focus unwaveringly on Your Face.
 

Little Girl

 My husband and kiddos left for a small trip this morning....leaving me home to enjoy a little quiet....some time in the Word and some time to reflect.  As I am sitting here (in the quiet...and its a little weird and wonderful at the same time) I am thinking about things.....life.... blessings...family.......I am so blessed actually, for so many reasons, but this morning I'd like to share one.  I know I share about my kids a lot...but I love them!!!  God's given us a small handful of little people (Actually NOT all so little anymore).  And...they are pretty awesome.  They are each amazingly unique with their own gifts.   I have two awesome big kids (whom will always be little though big)....and one:

Little Girl.....

Oh, how I love you....You're so precious.

The things you do....

The way you hold on to things, unashamed to dance when you're happy.

Your new Flower Girl shoes....you were SO excited.

Your first pair of 3-D movie glasses you can't seem to put down.  That movie sure was fun....I don't blame you for wanting to re-live it....a little.

Your jeans....the ones you like....with the holes in the knees....that you won't let me throw away.

Your journal....always writing something....just like your mama. 

  Oh how precious your childhood is to me....I love your unashamed joy.  You dance in the snow...squeal as we pull into Carl's Jr.....cry when you feel like it (even in Walmart) ...and love everyone you meet.  You continue to wear those cool shoes though the wedding was two months ago and those 3-D glasses....well....last night you slept with them next to you.  Baby girl.........oh, how I love you.

 

James 1:17

 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Much Love,
A Very Blessed Mama
 
  Enjoy your blessings.  That's why they were given to you.  Thank you for letting me share mine!